I often get to talk to parents and kids about baptism. I try to give the best spiritual counsel and direction to the kids and parents as a I can. The questions generally center around the child’s readiness to be baptized. But things are somewhat different when you are the parent, as I experienced over the last several months with our son Austin, who will turn 11 in November, thinking about baptism.
Austin, who is a mature and responsible child by nature, the prototypical first-born son first told his mom he was thinking about baptism after his cousin was baptized. Our initial reaction was to think he was still to young, but we didn’t want to discourage him or not take him seriously. As I often advise parents of children in this 10-12 age range, we got the book “Am I Ready to Be Baptized?” by John Farber and Kyle Butt. This is a wonderfully written book with illustrations for this age child. We read a chapter of this book every few days in our nightly devotional. The book is not long, but does a good job of relating to young children and explaining the truths of baptism. Though Austin already knew much of the information about baptism, the book served a role of reinforcement and also provoking conversation and discussion. We wanted to make sure Austin wasn’t just thinking this because of his cousin or others who had been baptized. After completing the book, he said he understood and was ready to make the commitment of serving Jesus. So this past Saturday he was baptized.
It was a special time for our family and a joy for us as parents. We know the Lord has great things in store for Austin! We are proud of him and his humble heart!
Me baptizing my son Austin
The Theology of Kids and Baptism
Let me change gears in the remainder of this post and share some thoughts I have on kids and baptism, as I feel we are not very good at explaining and understanding this in the church. I welcome any feedback to help me as I further try to understand.
I have a strong view of baptism. I believe it is essential for salvation and the point when we are saved (1 Peter 3:21) and our sins are remitted by the blood of Jesus (Acts 2:38, 22:16). I believe we are baptized into the body of Christ, but not to join a local church (Gal. 3:26-27). But I think we in the church often struggle to have clarity regarding baptism and kids. All my life I have heard the term “age of accountability.” I still struggle to fully define that age. The Biblical accounts deal with adults who were convicted of their sin, giving their lives to Christ at baptism. We do have reference to “households” being baptized in Acts, but it seems obvious that the members of the households must have been of an age to be capable of repenting and believing in Jesus since those are necessary requirements of salvation. I believe that children are innocent and unaccountable for their actions until they mature to the point of being able to understand sin, Jesus’ sacrifice, and their own accountability (Rom. 3:23). The question is: “When does this happen?”
My thoughts for kids growing up in Christian homes being taught about Jesus since the time they were babies is that this is a transition. Personally I see them as having a window of time in their adolescent and early teen years of where they are transitioning from this state of innocence and safe in God to being lost and in need of salvation. I think baptism is an act of obedience that saves them, but it is also an act of commitment and maturity. It is also a “taking the next step forward” in their service and maturity. This is why I encourage parents to take their time and talk to their kids about baptism. Read the book I mentioned above and give some time for exploring the reasons for their baptism. Often it is detected that the child is still immature and not ready. The big factor I always emphasize is that if they are feeling guilt over sin, even fearing they would be lost to hell if they died, then the parent needs to address this and the child is likely ready to be baptized. For Austin, he didn’t seem guilt ridden or scared, but he was just ready in his mind to become a Christian.
For parents, I think it is important to not discourage the child in these thoughts. Spiritual thoughts and a desire to follow God are always good things to develop and encourage in our children. Also, as a parent I think it is a challenge because the new Christian is still a child. They are still going to act like a 10 year old, 12 year old, or even a 15 year old. They are still going to be a kid. They are still your kid, whom you still have to train and discipline.
Finally, let me add that if your child has moved through the early teen years and not decided to be baptized, then you should be discussing this with them. I strongly encourage parents to talk to their kids at that 14-16 age range if they have not become a Christian, as it may get more difficult for them to give their life to Christ in the 16 – 20 year range.
2 comments
Hello Josh, and thanks for introducing a very difficult discussion. As I begin I want to emphasize that I would never judge a parent’s decision – so please do not think I am criticizing you. The comments that follow come from my own experience as a minister, and the fact my daughter is approaching that age where many of her peers are being baptized.
First, psychological tests have increasingly demonstrated that the mind of a young person is simply not capable of processing “act-consequence” relationships until well into the teens or later. That is why many states will not prosecute young tweens for certain crimes, or will try them in juvenile courts. Punishment is very often age related – even for serious crimes many juveniles are treated far differently than adults in the same situation. We do not allow tweens and young teens to drink, drive a car, serve in the military, vote or many other things. Yet, when it comes to perhaps the greatest decision a young person will ever make, we simply refer to them as “mature beyond their years” and baptize them.
I guess the straw that broke this camels back was when a very immature young person was marched into my office and dad demanded that I baptize the child. I knew then and there I did not want to – but church politics being what they were, I had to find a “biblical” reason. So I visited with the youngster for the requisite pre-baptismal visit. I asked point-blank, “if you were to die right now, before you were baptized, would God send you to hell.” (like I said, I was not going to pull any punches). I was looked at as if I had a third eyeball in the middle of my forehead. Of course not, why would God do that? So, I said, you really do not need to be baptized, as you are securely in a relationship with God? Absolutely, was the response. Baptism was necessary, because every verse related to baptism could be recited verbatim. I tried to get granddad to do the baptism – but he crawfished so fast it was almost comical. Finally, to avoid creating a fight in the foyer, I agreed to get the child wet. We did, and the next Sunday the child played and slept during the sermon – as was the usual practice – interrupted only when the communion trays were passed and the child could take the cracker and drink the grape juice.
I really, really think we do need to “re-think” this whole idea of baptizing our children. We “say” we do not believe in infant baptism, yet I see younger and younger and younger children being baptized – each and every one of them “mature beyond their years” I am sure. But they are still years away from their bodies changing, of having the freedom to drive a car, of feeling the hormones and urges that sexual maturity creates, of facing critical life and death issues that only instill doubt and fear in a person who, upon reaching that maturity that only years can provide, suddenly question whether their baptism “counted” or whether it was only to please mommy and daddy or because all their classmates were being baptized, or so that they can eat the cracker and drink the grape juice.
As I said – I am only now entering the “twilight zone” of a raising a tweener – so I cannot answer the question of how we handled the issue – past tense. I just know that, as a minister, I am deeply doubtful that we can profess to teach “adult believer’s baptism” and continue to baptize children young enough to eat free at the restaurant following their baptism.
Just my two cents worth – and again – thanks for having the courage to introduce the discussion.
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Paul, Thanks for your thoughtful comments. I do agree with many of your thoughts and think baptism does often occur too early, but I also know many who have been baptized at the age of 9,10, 11 and always felt good about their baptism. To be frank, the concern is that we don’t want our kids to live in a state of being lost, and we don’t want them to be hardened culturally and in their heart to not want to obey as they go through the difficult later teen years. Kids growing up in the Christian homes, should not be expected o go through a period of sinfulness and living lost so they are qualified to be baptized. But church culture and family culture does have a part in the discussion. I remember hearing a preacher talk about how when he preached in TX most kids were baptized around the 14-16 age, but when he moved to TN he discovered they were much more mature kids b/c they were mostly baptized in the 10-12 age. Thanks, Josh