Today is my birthday. I’m grateful to be turning 38!
Although as a kid I hated having my birthday during winter break, I appreciate the timing now. With the kids out of school we can have a lazy morning and spend the first few hours of the day in our pajamas. Can’t complain about a slower pace for the week. I had time to tinker with my blog, and the biggest change I made was changing my “about me” page from a humble brag to a balls out brag. I’m hoping to add some bigger credits to that page in 2015, though there is not one thing to report at this moment.
I also like that my birthday and the secular new year fall around the same time, which gives me a good excuse to reflect on the year that’s passed and dream about the year ahead.
Thinking about my last year one word sits there for me to examine. That word is CONTROL.
I’ve found this past year that I have more and less control over my life than I like to think. The only example of more control is the fact that after seven years of claiming I could never get up in the morning to write, I have now been writing at 5AM five days a week for almost a year. That habit has completely changed my life more than any other change I’ve ever attempted. When the alarm buzzes, I’m still tempted to turn it off and go back to sleep. However, I am so much happier on the days that I get up and work that it’s easier than I ever thought possible to recommit to that choice each morning. Taking these mornings for myself feels like having some control over my life because the rest of the day and night I am needed by five other people, a fact I would never, ever change and will only be true for a certain number of years anyway.
But the real lesson of the year is that in the bigger, deeper ways, I have no control over my life. I’m getting more comfortable with that idea, though it’s a completely uncomfortable reality to accept in some cases.
On the positive side of that lack of control I had two good situations happen. First, while writing about Hanukkah for Kveller, I promised myself that I would change my focus and tone about the holiday. I’m glad I made that choice and love the “What Lights You Up?” theme I explored and will continue to explore this year. HOWEVER, days before that post went live on Kveller, several of my older, snarkier holiday posts were syndicated in Jewish papers across the country. There was a lesson there for me about my words and how once something is out there, whether typed or from my mouth, there is no way to keep them under my control. It’s served as a reminder to be careful what I say and type.
The second lack of control example happened over the summer when I sat in a committee meeting with several Jewish women at my synagogue and had a big fit when someone suggested planning a challah baking session. I went on and on about how sick I am of attending those events and hearing about them. I was probably very rude, which relates to my example above of being more careful of what I say and how I say it. Then when the Jewish new year came around in the fall, I decided I wanted to start making challah for my own family. Not as an “event,” but as a personal goal to take on for the year. I asked one of my talented and knowledgable friends to come over and teach me in my own kitchen, and I invited a few others who were interested as well. We each made about six to eight loaves and those loaves together made an incredible picture. I put that picture on Facebook– and BOOM–I had so many requests from people who wanted to learn that a regular challah class at my house was born. Tzipporah Leah (the teacher) and I are co-hosting SEVEN sessions between January and March. I love the atmosphere in my house when four to six women are here baking challah. I will write more about what it feels like this later this year because at this point I don’t even have the words to describe what’s been happening in my kitchen other than the cliched expression, “it’s magic.” (Which it is.)
On the negative side of a lack of control is watching people I love, or even just know, get sick, stay sick, or suffer in any number of ways. I hate to be dark on my birthday, but there it is. Every year that I get to be healthy and alive is such a blessing. I always feel I can be and should be doing more to demonstrate my gratitude for the gift of another day, another year. I find it impossible to keep that perspective without constant reminders, which is why I’m attracted to my Jewish roots to tell you the truth. I think I yearn, constantly, for something that keeps me grounded in the bigger questions so that the minutia does not take over my mind. It does help.
So that’s enough reflection for one morning! As for 2015 goals, I have the usual 50 books to read. This year our Great New Books team is committing our personal reading goals on this page of our site and inviting you to add yours. I have some writing goals that are not really necessary to share aloud yet. I always have the goal to be the best wife, mom, friend, and family member possible. The people in my life are more important than anything else, and I think I can always improve the way I show that.
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82 Responses
I love this. Happy birthday! And the examples you cite of control make me nod and smile – yes, we have control over many things (one of my peeves, as I think you know, is people complaining they have no time when the truth s we all make choices every day and have the same amount of time). But at the same time, in the big-picture sense, none of us have any control. At all. Embracing that has been a central task of my life in the last few years. You spring chicken you! Sending lots of love. xox
I so agree with that. This is going to sound really snotty but I know people who read Us Weekly and People cover to cover every single week (time consuming) but claim no time to read books. Listen, totally fine to choose magazines, but don’t say you don’t have time!
Ha! I’m just right behind you on age! 😉
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, NINA!! I forgot you are a fellow Capricorn, but of course it makes total sense because that’s probably another reason I’m such a big fan of you, your writing, and your big heart. Cannot wait to see what this next year brings to you, all of it wonderful I am sure. And LOVE the About Me page—own those big accomplishments, girl!!
Kristen recently posted..The Lives Around Us: Six Vanilla Cupcakes
I always like finding my fellow Capricorns. And I don’t even know why as it’s not like a ascribe great importance to that stuff, but still . . . it’s sort of fun. So glad we have connected so much this year.
Happy Birthday!! What a great opportunity to reflect on the year… Getting up early really is the best. I just finished “The One Thing” and Gary Keller talks a lot about how you don’t become more disciplined over time – rather, you ingrain better habits. I suspect getting up early is like that. I know I’m like that with exercise. Over many, many years, it has just become a habit. I am still working toward that with getting up early/carving out protected time for writing.
My husband also celebrated his birthday this week- I have to say, it was quite a treat to stay in jammies all morning with the kids, and then go out and not have to think too much about the routine of the next morning.
I hope you have a fantastic day, a great year, and yay for “balls out” bragging on your About page!!!!!!
Pam recently posted..The Smoothie Hack That Will Change Your Life
I think that’s very astute that these changes become ingrained over time. At this point by Sunday night I am itching for that morning time (because I take the weekend off.)
Thanks for all your support this year, Pam. It’s been so great getting to know you more. Hoping for a great 2015 for both of us!
Happy Birthday!!! Thanks for being such a positive voice in the blogging world. You kick ass, so I’m glad you amped up your About Me page. 🙂
Enjoy your day with your family.
Justine recently posted..Sweet Baby James
Thank you, Justine! So glad we’ve had some great conversations on and off our blogs. Looking forward to more this new year.
It’s not bragging because it’s all true! I have admired (from afar) how you keep writing. Your work and commitment have resulted in all the things on your about page! Really, you’re a model for me of what’s possible. I’ve enjoyed watching your writing and blogging grow over the years. Happy Birthday to you!
Thanks so much for this note, Erin! Looking forward to your cooking adventures this year.
Happy Birthday!
I’m glad you’re enjoying the slower pace and staying in your pj’s on your birthday. My birthday is in November, and I make a point of having a slow day every year (but that might just be because I’m over 40 now and getting old 😉 )
I loved reading about “control” and all the different shades it has taken on for you. My word for 2014 was experience and I’m excited for 2015 and a new word 🙂
Kerstin @ Auer Life recently posted..Happy Holidays!
Most importantly, I can’t believe we weren’t already Twitter friends!
Will stay tuned for your word!
Happy 38th! We’re the same age now. 🙂
Very insightful post.
I love having friends over to make challah. It’s usually one or two at a time and everyone has fun. My kids enjoy helping with challah baking too. 🙂
All the best to you on your birthday and in the coming year. 🙂
Melissa A recently posted..List-a-Mania 2014!
Would be fun if we could do that together one day!
Thank you for the good wishes!
If you’re ever in the DC area for a visit, let me know. 🙂 Glad to host you and your family for a Shabbos too.
My giveaway for The Rosie Effect is up at Chick Lit Central today. 🙂
Melissa A recently posted..The Merrylandgirl year in review
Happy Birthday, Nina! “Balls out brag” may have become my new favorite phrase you’ve ever written.
I need to think more about control this next year – self control in what I eat and how I spend my time – and being okay with giving up some control when it comes to other parts of my life and the people in it.
I hope you have a wonderful birthday, my friend.
Shannon recently posted..Christmas Past, Christmas Present, Christmas Future
Ha! Thanks! I liked it enough too to use on Twitter. And oh yes, same here re: junk food and wasting time. I did that 30 day clean in May and did really well. THEN, was sort of worse off after the fact than I was before. Am just now getting things back into a reasonable pattern– really more moderation and no more extreme ventures.
I have never needed an initial after my name before on a list of comments, so that’s fun!
I so rarely laugh and cry in one post, but this one got me good. I was coming to say the same thing as Shannon; “balls out brag” caused me to guffaw, making the room full of my football-watching in-laws wonder what in the world was so funny. “Ummm….”
“Every year that I get to be healthy and alive is such a blessing. I always feel I can be and should be doing more to demonstrate my gratitude for the gift of another day, another year.” Beautiful words, lady. Your “type A” goals are inspirational!
Justine U recently posted..ch-ch-changes {+ hoppin’ John}
Oh wow! Well, I don’t like to make anyone cry, but maybe this made me a little happy. 😉 Thank you!
As a recovering control freak, I relate to straddling the line between more and less control. Sometimes the line is very thin. It’s easy to spend a lot of time worrying about things that are out of my control and losing focus on what is within my control. So this year my word was balance. I think I might choose that word again for 2015. Still have a lot to learn. 🙂
Happy Birthday, Nina! Wishing you the best in 2015 and looking forward to reading more of your writing.
Jackie Cangro recently posted..The One With the Gingerbread Extravaganza
It’s always a good word, Jackie. Sadly, we will probably have to constantly use it for the reminder. Maybe not “sadly” just realistically.
Happy New Year!
Happy Birthday to you! I hope all of your birthday wishes come true. Just remember what is truly within your control and work with that. Cheers!
Yup– that is the best way and always hard to remember. I will try! Happy New Year!
Happiest on the days you get up to write – lack of control over where the words go once you send them out into the world – the people in our lives are the most important thing…these are all such wonderful, important reflections. Thank you for always voicing honest, relatable truths. You have become a stabilizing force for me over this past year–in the writing world and beyond. Happiest of everything to you on your birthday and in the new year…xo
Dina recently posted..the wandering that leads us home
That is such a huge compliment. I admire your work and your demeanor in the online world so much. For you to think of me as a stabilizing force is so wonderful to hear. Thank you! And Happy New Year! So grateful we connected in 2014.
Happy Birthday Nina! I hope you have a wonderfully happy and relaxing day.
Stacey recently posted..Bookish Tuesday: 2015 Reading Goals
Thanks, Stacey! It was a great day. Happy New Year to you! Looking forward to another year working with you at GNB!
Happy 38th birthday Nina! Loved your blog today–I agree that a birthday on 12/30 is good for reflection on old and new years. SO: you suggested it, and I’ll second it–let’s both look forward to some (BIG–oh, alright, maybe just bigger) writing accomplishments. 2015’s the year. I can feel it.
Hope you have a great birthday. Looking forward to my February challah session.
It’s a good goal! For both of us! Happy New Year and so glad we connected this year.
Happy Birthday Nina! You should have many wonderful years ’til 120!
Your advice page is worthy of bragging – so much writing in so many places. It’s impressive and inspirational. I could deeply relate to your thoughts on the word “control,” on every level. This year has been chock full of reminders about the illusion of control (though at least I can control my responses and actions, thankfully).
Rivki Silver recently posted..You Asked, I Answer
What I’m hoping others glean from that page is that it’s good and more than okay to have pride in our work. It does not have to all be NYT types of credits. You know what I mean? I think it’s sort of a “shake what you got” mentality. I’m going with that at least!
Happy Birthday, Nina! Hope you have a wonderful day.
Beautiful reflections on the past year. I remember your post about morning writing. Has it really been a year since you started that? Glad to hear that is working out so well for you. Yes, lack of control is a part of life (a big one) and I agree that it is an extremely uncomfortable reality. I need to work a bit harder to accept that. Happy Birthday and Happy New Year!
Sarah recently posted..Family Photos: What’s Happening Here?
Yes, it’s been a year. I can’t believe it either. I used to stay up until 2AM or LATER if I had something due. It was really starting to be a problem. Something had to give and it wasn’t going to be my sanity or my family so it had to be the late nights.
So glad we have continued to connect this year. Looking forward to seeing more of you on Literary Mama, on your blog, and elsewhere!
I love this post, Nina, and the way your mind works. You are wise beyond your 39 years. Happy, happy birthday. I’m so looking forward to another year of reading your work.
j recently posted..I’m not ready and it’s okay
I feel the same way about you! And did I tell you I got my new batch of thank you cards? Love them, of course!
Happy birthday.
I’ll wish for you that you have less of the out of your control pain this year, that we all will.
Thank you for sharing with us throughout the year. I so love your voice.
Amanda recently posted..Reclaiming Control Meant Letting Go
That is a good wish. And thank you for being in my life this year. Looking forward to continuing to read your words and learn from your wisdom in 2015!
Happy Birthday Nina! Sheesh, 5am? And you’re up late too. I’m not sure how you do it. You’re an inspiration on so many fronts. Thank you for sharing your insights as they always cause me to reflect on my own life and goals. It’s obvious that setting goals is useful and setting them publicly is a high art in accountability. Oh, how I hope to be that brave, ambitious, and less lazy some day. 🙂
Till then, I’ll keep reading what you’re writing and sing your praises as a YOUNG woman who “gets it.” Who keeps trying to “get it” and admits when she occasionally doesn’t “get it.” Bravo on making 38 look great! May the blogosphere be blessed by many more years of Nina Badzin’s wisdom and wonder.
Thank you so much for this incredibly kind comment, Angela. I am so grateful to have you (and now Donna too) in my local writing world and friend world. It’s very cool to me how we all live such different lives, but can connect so seamlessly. Looking forward to working with you and seeing you more in 2015! Happy New Year!
Happy birthday Nina! I really admire your habit of getting up early to write. I need to make the time to write, too – not at 5 am, but I could definitely dedicate 30 minutes every morning.
Fifty books is my goal again too, and I’m sure many will be your suggestions!
Dana recently posted..My top ten books of 2014: The year in review
Thanks, Dana!
Thirty minutes of solid writing each day would be a worthy undertaking, and I like that it’s reasonable. Even when I get up at 5:00 and have two hours until my kids get up, I still do not get more than an hour of solid writing and sometimes less. There is brainstorming, coffee making, toast making, and often some blog business, too.
Happy birthday, Nina! I like how you’re weighing in on your year, and assessing what you’ve done, and what goals you have ahead. For sure, control is an illusion, and an interesting word to focus on. Believe in yourself, Be You, is something I’ve pasted onto my forehead for the past year, and I’m continuing it into 2015. Have a wonderful 38 ahead! So honored and grateful to have you as a friend. xo JK
Jennifer King recently posted..My 5 Favorite Things about the New Year
That is GREAT advice! I remembered just now (from your comment) that one of my favorite parts of Gretchen Rubin’s Happiness Project was her goal to BE GRETCHEN. It is so key and especially as a writer in a crowded arena, there is no point trying to be anyone else.
Happy birthday, Nina! It truly is a good time to reflect. I feel like we have so many of the same goals and challenges with time. I’m SO inspired by your 5am writing. I’m going to try and do this. Every single day I’m frustrated by never getting more writing in but as a mother, my family will always come first – it’s the great double bind. So, we need to control what we can control. Love the challah story and using our words carefully (yes, I totally understand the wish to take back some of my own snark.) here’s to a great 2015!!!
Thanks, Amy! I think it helps that I take the weekend off. Then by Monday I truly miss the quiet time and it allows me a bit more sleep on the weekend. Good luck! And Happy New Year!
Happy birthday Nina! I love your new About page, you absolutely should be balls out bragging 🙂
Ah control, it’s a funny thing to wrestle with since so often we have less than we think, or want.
Your challah baking magic makes me want to fly to Minnesota and bake with you! My family would need a gluten free one which I have yet to try let alone bake, but I’d totally sneak a gluten bite with you. I can’t wait to read about it.
Looking forward to more of your wisdom in 2015! So happy to have found you in 2014.
Dana recently posted..Wondering About Other Writers
I think there are recipes for gluten frees ones. Of course the flour called for in our recipe is HIGH gluten. For real. Not even just regular –but HIGH. Glad we connected in 2014. Looking forward to getting to you know and your writing more in ’15.
Happy Birthday to you!
I can’t wait to change my “About Me” page one day.
I think challah baking sounds really fun in a classroom setting, actually!
And I did love the tone of your Hanukkah post, but boy do I get it about the older, snarkier versions flying around.
Tamara recently posted..If Only In My Dreams.
Thanks, Tamara! Happy New Year, my friend!
Happy birthday to you! I am always the one wanting to be in control, as well. I struggle to let it go. (Ack! A Frozen reference). I am planning to read more in 2015, too, and find more balance. The ever-elusive balance…
Kristin Shaw recently posted..Friday Favorites: December 12
And they say a Frozen 2 is in the works. Can they ever repeat the success of that ear worm?
Hope you had a wonderful day! Glad I stopped by to read your birthday blog!
Stacy S. Jensen recently posted..How do I fix this?
Thank you so much for the good wishes and for stopping by, Stacy! Happy New Year!
Nina,
Happy bday! You are a baby at 38 and have done so much and will do so much more. I say this with love and appreciation. Good for you for enhancing your About Page. Nothing wrong with a balls out brag!
Estelle
Estelle Erasmus recently posted..My Google+ Hangout with Stephanie Sprenger
Thanks, Estelle! I hope you enjoyed your big day on the WashPost yesterday!
Happy Birthday, Nina! And a Happy New Year too! Love the new and updated About Me page!
Thank you, Gargi! Let this be a fruitful year of submissions for both of us.
Happy Birthday Nina! And I love your new “about me” page. I look forward to all you new essays.
Thank you, Allie! Happy New Year to you and that gorgeous family. Looking forward to another year on each other’s blogs. 🙂
Nina, happy happiest birthday!!! This is lovely- just the right amount of sentimentality and realism- like you. I’m not a control person, but absolutely relate to your thoughts on it. I applaud your ability to admit that perhaps you were “wrong” on some issues- keeps you interesting! Hope you have a contented birthday and a invigorating New Year!
Oh and I’m not Jewish nor do I live anywhere near Minnesota but if I did I would so love to join your baking challah nights. I’m searching for more community around here and that sounds like a wonderful way to create one.
Thank you so much for this thoughtful response, Alisa! You would be welcome at my challah bake sessions Jewish or not. As for community building, I think something that occurs regularly is key. (These events are one-time shots for each person.) I have a friend who formed a gourmet club when she moved to Cleveland. I think she invited the one or two people she knew and asked them to each invite a person and so on. Each month they had a different theme (Mexican, Vegan, etc.) And there was some sort of rotating system so that if you had the appetizer assignment one month you had entree the next, or the drink, or the dessert and so on. THe host did the entree and picked the theme. It sounded like so much fun! Not sure why I’m thinking about specifically that idea, but it might be worth a try.
Nina, Happy Birthday!! I really enjoy your blog and this topic of control. About the only thing I have control over is my mind and thoughts. It’s best to keep them light and in the moment. It’s taken years to get to this as the norm most days, and it’s a constant practice. It’s nice to know others are in practice with this skill as well.
It’s the only thing we all have control over. That’s well said, Gail!
Belated Happy Birthday, Nina! I love your reflections on Control. This is a tricky thing and o e I’ve struggled with as well. I’m a control freak who’s perpetually trying to loosen up a bit more. It’s exhausting so I know that the balance you allude to is necessary. Anyway I wish you the best and specifically a greater sense of equanimity for the new year!
Joy recently posted..Blog Posts of 2014 I’m Happy Never to See Again
Thanks, Joy! Happy New Year to you!
Happy Birthday!! I know exactly what you mean about control. It’s a tough one for me these days…to realize how much and how little you ( I ) have. I have to say that working on it, thinking about it, now will likely put you ahead as your kids get older, too. The early morning writing is such a great thing you’ve done, and as always you’re an inspiration with your reading.
Julia Munroe Martin recently posted..Great New Books Favorites
Thank you, Julia! And Happy New Year to you!
“for something that keeps me grounded in the bigger questions so that the minutia does not take over my mind. It does help.” YES!! It certainly does serve as a reminder. We can get so caught up in the little, often unimportant things, that we lose perspective. It’s good to remember what is really important.
I love that you are getting up at 5am to write, Nina! I too feel that I am happier throughout the day if I’ve given the gift of this time to my passion before anything else. As women, we tend to everyone but ourselves, sometimes. 🙂
So true, Cynthia.
This is such a wonderful post, Nina! It has been amazing to see all that you have accomplished over this past year, and all the while working on letting go of the notion of control…hmmm….I think you are really onto something! Your revised About Me page is a testament to your incredible ability to “do it all,” or a lot of “it” anyway. You are quite the inspiration and I feel blessed to call you my friend! Happy 38 and many, many, many more!!!
Julie Burton recently posted..Not Yet 50, but Way Past 40-Something. What is 48 to Me?
Thank you SO MUCH Julie for this and for all your support this year.
I am late to this, but HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!
I love the idea of baking with others, how wonderful!
Alison recently posted..2014: A Recap
Never too late!! Thank you!
I don’t know why i loved this post so much but I did. I am very impressed by your life change in writing each morning. I felt like I learned the lessons along with you about control (my mouth gets away with me too). I feel like we are very similar in many ways.
And the challah! It makes me want some, though I am gluten-free (and fasting). Happy birthday, happy new year, my friend.
Jennie Goutet recently posted..Visiting Rouen
Oh thank you so much, Jennie! I really respect your take on things so that means a lot.
Nina, it’s just like you to be efficient, even with your birthday – new year and birthday reflections all wrapped up in one! You should be exceptionally proud of your achievements…not least of which is getting up every morning to write. I’m yet to crack that one. Happy 38 and a great new year to you – I can’t wait to see where all the different threads take you.
Alarna Rose Gray recently posted..Get Real
Happy belated birthday! I have enjoyed following your blog (even if I’ve been a poor commenter) and, as always, love your perspective on things in your life and how you write about them, such as this one about control. Best wishes for a wonderful 2015!
Happy belated birthday, Nina! I hope it was a good one. I love that the morning writing routine has worked so well for you; it’s something I need to get back into the habit of doing myself. Like you, I feel SO energized when I get started early.
Here’s to a year of productivity and goal setting (for those things we CAN control).
Melissa Crytzer Fry recently posted..Silent Snapshots
Happy belated birthday, Nina! We have a lot in common. In the past couple of years I’ve been realizing almost exactly the same things about control — and add to that that most of my story themes refer to or explore the concept in some way (even if I don’t realize it when I’m writing them). Poetry and meditation help me be more aware of this — and all introspective things, really — as your religion seems to for you. I’m grateful for that, for both of us. Here’s to a happy 2015!
Annie Neugebauer recently posted..Celebrating 2015 with Color, Organization, and Joy
A very belated Happy Birthday! I’m just getting caught up on blogs after being offline for nearly 3 weeks. Can’t wait to have coffee or lunch soon in the New Year. xoxoxo
tracy recently posted..New Year New House
I am so late but HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! (For some reason I thought that your newsletter would have all your recent posts and so I’m feeling a little silly now that I’m trying to catch up on everything.)
Your word is such an interesting choice to me as I went the opposite way with “Balance.” I’m a recovering perfectionist and somewhat of an over-controller and so need to NOT control things… but I can see how it might work well for you.
Your challah baking nights sound lovely, I wish I was close enough to attend some time!
Dakota recently posted..Five Years Old
Never too late! And maybe I should like some of the last few each time I send a newsletter!